It's been awhile. I thought I was just about to abandon this old thing. But I quickly realized I would miss out on memories. Not that I ever really wrote about any great memories, but the fact that I could easily erase my thoughts from previous years made me rethink deleting my xanga. I know no one uses this anymore and that is a comfort to me. A lot has changed in my life. I don't really consider myself unhappy, though I definitely have my days. A quick update on my life since I last wrote something on here. I started college last year. My boyfriend of 2 years at the time and I broke up, because there was a lack of trust and I was heading off to college. Many things that I know I will never forget happened that first semester. I had a lot of great things happen to me, but also many horrible things. I made myself a bad person and I know I will never forget what I did. But like I said.. things have changed. Matt and I decided to get back together even though we both did horrible things to one another. Love always wins. (and a little bit of jealousy.. haha) It was when we both decided we would have to stop talking for good that we knew we shouldn't be apart. Anyway we were back together and our problems were magnified and almost impossible to heal and I think in some ways they wont ever be completely healed.. but there's just some sacrifices you have to make. I resolved to quit smoking and start working out. For once in my life I can say I succeeded. I've been smoke-free for a year and I work out whenever I can, which a week before finals week was 3-4 times a week. I started making new friends when all my boyfriend drama ended. That was truly the best thing that could have happened to me. I finally can say that I definitely know who my true friends are. My room mate and I hardly ever fought and I was really happy with life and I decided I would try to keep things this way. My best friend from high school who I have spoken about a lot in my previous entries and I got into a huge fight which resulted in us not talking for almost 2 months and we decided not to be room mates. Good idea. We are back to best friend status and many things have changed between us which is why I think this time will be different. We have both matured, but mainly me, because I needed to mature the most. I miss living in the dorms, because I miss being close to everyone and seeing different people every day. It was quite an experience. Summer came and was gone quickly. I don't remember much of my summer because it really wasn't noteworthy. Aside from finding out that my boyfriend hooked up with his co-worker from a co-worker.. oh the joys of working for the same company. Of course he did this while we were broken up, but we had been back together for quite a while when I found out. I knew he did it anyway, but I wanted to believe him that it never happened. Needless to say, we fought for a significantly long time and I was ready to call it quits, but I don't know why I didn't. I'm sure many people wouldn't have agreed with my decision. I don't know if I even agree with my decision. This little issue made work miserable for me, because I had to think about them flirting at their job while we were together , since we had the same job just in different locations. Work was so miserable. My favorite manager turned on me and I was just miserable and I had to say good-bye to panera forever. I knew it was time to go and work hard in school. Being poor sucks. But I have become a lot happier now, I guess Panera gave me way too many bad memories.. School is difficult, but it's nice having my own apartment. I did a lot better this semester than usual, but still not good enough for me. Hopefully next semester can be the best one yet. I rushed over the summer and got my heart broken, because I thought i knew girls were mean, but I guess I just didn't know how mean they were. Being a sophomore actually can disqualify you from some sororities.. I think that's a bit ridiculous. The whole process is just a big mess.
My boyfriend and I have been pretty good for a few months, hardly fighting and if we fight it's over something small. Our 4 year anniversary is coming up January 6th, I feel like we should be married since people get married after a year of knowing each other. I don't know if we will ever make it to that step, but I guess I've been getting older because all I can think about is children and starting my own life and family. I know I'm too young to think about these things so for now my thoughts are just fairy tales. I think i just want things to be easy.. but that isn't always the best option unfortunately. At christmas dinner with my boyfriend's family we actually got along.. I didn't, however, get along with my boyfriend of all people today.. I think some things will never change..and it is just a matter of time until I get fed up. I don't know what else there is to say, this blog is mainly for me to make sense of my thoughts.
| 
